A Surprise Priority transfer window signing from America Exclusive!!

Today I am welcoming a new guest to ‘1nildown2oneup.’  Delighted to introduce a first ever blog anywhere by my good twitter buddy from the ‘Emerald Isle,’ John ‘Woody’ Woods, better known to many as @woodysirish. If you don’t follow him I sincerely suggest you are missing out and what follows will convince you. He knows his Arsenal and is over for the Liverpool and Stoke games if you wish to catch him for a pint, as I most certainly will. The style and content is quirky and comedic but the message is serious….

In replying to @goonerdave66 ‘s blogs over the past few months, he has started to say that my comments were like blogs in themselves, and that I should try writing one for myself… so here goes.

The new addition Arsenal need is Dr Phil
The new addition Arsenal need is Dr Phil

As the headline says forget your David Villas or Yann M’Vilas, our priority this transfer window should be the famous Dr. Phil.. not Scholari, but another similarly fat balding middle age man. Yes the American psychiatrist from Daytime TV made famous on Oprah. “What the F##k is this twat on about I hear you ask?” Well please bear with me till I have stated my case..

Regardless of what people think, the atmosphere in stadiums does rub off on the players, and affects their performances greatly. So if a stadium is full of nervous, moaning and groaning  booing and hissing type’s the player’s will “play with fear” as AW loves to tell us. Fear of possible mistakes and the impending doom and wrath of the so called “faithful.”  This has been rearing its ugly head far too much for me lately and it can be stopped or helped at least by my old mate Dr. Phil!

You see, I feel a lot of it has got to do with the fact that a lot of us, and to an extent myself included can’t seem to let go of “The Invincibles” and naturally it’s hard to forget such great days, but I think as a club and as fans of the club and for the sake of everybodys sanity, it’s time we did just that..

We compare everything to those wonderful days, and don’t want to let go. Everything was cheaper, the football was better, the trophies were rolling in, and all was Rosie. We don’t seem to want to admit that everything, not just our club, our players, our stadium, our countries and circumstances have changed, the game has changed, the way we watch the game has changed, and thanks to social media the way we celebrate, gloat, and/or whinge has changed. But mainly for me, the way we as supporters have changed…

We want success now, we don’t care how we get it – we want it now….

We compare every signing to Bergamp, Henry, Vieira and Adams… Like most recently, people giving out about Arleta and comparing him to Gilberto. Not fair! For me Arteta’s doing a wonderful job, and I wonder how Gilberto would look in among our current crop, or using all the above reasons, I can only imagine how good Mikel would have looked in the Invincibles side. (Using a reverse comparison there before anyone says “oh your being hypocritical there”).

If we’re not careful, then we shall be doomed to a fate worse than “Jamie Redknapp’s!”  We’re slowly but surely developing that very serious mental defect known in the Psychotherapy world as “Liverpool Syndrome” – where every transfer window a signing becomes the missing piece of the jigsaw – the one that turns everything around – the one that guarantee’s the league, and many other trophies. A syndrome where we answer everything with “oh, the Invincibles did ….” Similar to how they answer everything with “Yes but we won it 5 times…” “I think its 18 titles…”, you get my drift.

Oh no we have a serious chance of developing 'Rednapp Syndrone'
Oh no we have a serious chance of developing ‘Rednapp Syndrome’

So here the big signing comes in – Dr. Phil… He can set up office in The Grove and meet us any time 9-5pm, Monday through Friday, or 9 till 3 hours after final whistle on match days, to stop this evil form of mental degeneration. He can guide us through the 7 stages needed to shake of “ The Invincibles.”

1)      Shock or Disbelief – The signing of Mikael Silvestre comes to mind.

2)      Denial – help us get over the fact that Van Judas would’ve left even had we matched the money on offer at Man Utd.

3)      Anger – help us all to stop giving out about everything from the fish n chips to the strength of the toilet paper at The Grove.

4)      Bargaining – The signing of Mikael Silvestre comes to mind.

5)      Guilt – The signing of Mikael Silvestre comes to mind.

6)      Depression – the last 3 years come to mind.

7)      Acceptance and hope – To help us realise that even the mighty Barcelona did something similar to what we’re doing now, after great success in early 80’s and 90’s, they from 99-05 won no league titles and decided to build around youth, with smatterings of signings along with them it took from 99-05 to set this up, and the rest is history. Now with the core of their side being their own, they can afford to splash good money on only the 1 or 2 big names required. Granted it only took them 6 barren years but they weren’t up against the oil tycoons that we are, and Phil can help us realise this, and to realise the future is still bright.

 

Warning image could cause anxiety or depression
Warning image could cause anxiety or depression

 

Oh there’s one more.. I think it might be added at a sub-text to either No. 3) or No. 6), I Believe Dr. Phil also has the ability to stop people from Re-Tweeting Piers Morgan.  I think this would be a definite sign of progress. How or why that ‘Ballbag’ keeps reappearing is beyond me, and we need help with this, more than we need a Defensive midfielder.

 

I think Jack needs to see Dr Phil URGENTLY!
I think Jack needs to see Dr Phil URGENTLY!

So with Phil’s help we can move forward, support as one, in a happy buzzing stadium, moving together in the same direction, with a team of players who can then play with “The Handbrake Off” as they won’t be criticised for the slightest mistake. And I for one who plays live music knows it’s much easier to play to a full house of happy folk, than a half empty one full of critic’s because you know they are watching for mistakes, whereas the full and happy house (supporters) will let you get away with it because they know in the end it’s going to be a great night.

So Doctor Phil please sign up ,help us shake off this “Liverpool Syndrome” before it’s too late, there’s a shiny tracksuit with your name on it, waiting for you in North London.

Cheers Woody for that much needed bit of light relief from the constant transfer gossip merry go round. Please follow the author and feel free to send him your thoughts @woodysirish or in the comment.

 

Until next time thanks for reading.

Like what you read? Agree/disagree? Leave a comment below or follow me or comment on this blog on Twitter – http://twitter.com/goonerdave66

 

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28 comments

  1. Haha, very funny post. I’m not sure which I’m most traumatised by, the photo of Morgan or the picture of Sylvestre; I think I need a lie-down! Great point about Barcelona’s barren spell, although as you allude to, it’s a slightly false comparison given that with the structure of Spanish TV deals, they and Real are so far ahead of every other club in their league.

  2. Nice one !!! We do need blogs like these in times of stress.. Bravo !! “Dr. Phil also has the ability to
    stop people from Re-Tweeting
    Piers Morgan.” <– I want this !!!

  3. The players dont need a psychiatrist. The club needs to get rid of a manager who has massive delusions of grandeur syndrome. He’s hell bent on doing everything his narrow minded way: same way that has failed for seven bloody years. What exactly does Arsene do in training? this club has had defensive problems for years, with different players. He goes on about lack of creativity in midfield, yet he has Carzola,Jack and Arteta: these three should be running rings around the teams outside the top four. That tosser,Fergie, win with Carrick,Cleverly and whoever the fuck is in there. The formation of the team barely changes. wenger is over the hill but wont admit it. Get rid of a diseased culture and Arsenal will be back to the top. 7years,different players,same shite. you decide

    1. I agree he should change formation to 442 more often as it works for Man U as you say. You probably know that is you follow my blogs. Frustrating but this guest blog was meant to be light hearted buddy.

    2. You need a laxative mate….stop ranting about things you haven’t the foggiest about and support your Club through thick or thin…like a true supporter does.

  4. Can I be Dr Phil’s PA …. Pretty please. Fantastic idea !!!
    We would all be well balanced & happy Gunners again. I bet fans would never believe Barca actually
    Went through a period of not winning anything… It’s only AFC who do that !!!!
    Greatly enjoyed Woody’s writing, we are very lucky Gunners if only our fans realised. Thank you.

  5. Indeed i like dis, so, dat he can help us shake off, d syndrome pls, b4 it’s too late like liverpool.

  6. This is indeed the final solutions for all those Arsenal fans who have zero perspective and think that Wenger is the cause of all their social, economic, physical, mental, sexual, ………., problems.

    Great stuff!!

  7. Please can someone make an appointment for Professor Wenger to see Dr Phil. Maybe the latters intelligence will rub off on the old fool.

  8. What a great laugh I had! Thanks John and Dave. I am signing up as a happy clappy nurse of Dr. Phil who just whips positivity into patients LOL. Great stuff boys

  9. Nice to read a sensible blog!! We all get bogged down in the seriousness of it all. Peirrs loves the arsenal but he has turned into a WOB.I unfollowed him months ago,simple!!! The results at the moment are enough to send us all to the loony bin .but we must keep faith!!!

  10. Spot on, this. Thanks, Woody and Dave. I’ve been saying it for ages: there is such a disconnect from reality among Arsenal supporters right now. It is really unhealthy, for us, for the players, for the club…

    It may have been a light-hearted post, but if I had a dollar for every disgruntled fan who wants to sell his season ticket – who can’t see the fact that we are a club battling forces far greater than the next Silvestre signing…

    The era of entitlement is over. The gap between clubs is diminishing fast. Soon we will have a league where the top ten teams are fighting for the top 3 positions.

    Change is coming and it’s coming fast. And in the long run it’ll be good for the league.

    I’ve always wondered how it would feel to support Everton, or Wolves, or Coventry. Or Bradford or Mansfield… How do those supporters feel turning out and losing their voices for a clib fighting relegation or battling promotion?

    It’s all about perspective, and I’m afraid fellow Gooners have lost theirs. I had someone saying on Twitter today that Wenger must go because we no longer compete… Seriously? Even in these last 7 difficult years we’ve finished higher than other English clubs in the Champions League.

    We’ve come close time and again to winning. That’s football. Manchester United were one Dutch skunk away from having a calamitous season… It’s all delicately balanced.

    Perhaps every Arsenal fan needs to ask him or herself why they watch football. Why they support Arsenal…

    I want to see a team that does its best with what it is given. I don’t want a team with infinite power, constantly winning, cruising.

    That’s what FIFA on playstation is for. Load your team. Don’t save games that you lose. Play in amateur mode…

    That’s not reality.

    This is. And it bites.

    Thanks for a great post.

    1. brilliant comment…and completely and utterly spot on…the era of entitlement is over but so many gooners are spoiled and unreasonable enough to think they’re still entitled to every title in the world and if they don’t win it, they’ll be throwing all their toys out of their prams

      and what they don’t get is that in these last 7 years…we’ve competed at the highest levels in the league and in Europe and we’ve basically been successful in every way short of that final step of something shiny (which we’ve come close to multiple times)…what they also don’t get is we’ve competed at this level with the 4th/5th highest wage bill (something inflated thanks to having to compete with oil money) and the 15th or so transfer spend in the last decade…all this has been taken completely for granted like its the minimum requirement and not something to cheer…without the perspective that there are 100s of teams that would love to be in our position

  11. wow Batmandela, i know understand when Dave says “your replies are as good as blogs”, brilliant stuff and thanks..

  12. Guess good old Eugene would be Dr Phils first patient, the whole article is about shaking off the negatives and along comes Eugene spouting the same old negative rhetoric, hes Arsenal till he dies or at least he would be if the started winning again………

  13. I agree with Eugene Petit.A few seasosn ago the gunners were withing sight of winning the epl only to stumble in the final lap.It happened two seasons in a row. And the gunners often let opponents level or win even with five minutes remaining.The worst was the game with NU.
    4 goals up by half time and allowing the magpies to draw was unheard of . These together with the flaws being repaeted on ayearly basis is unacceptable of a manager.
    The problem is Wenger thinks he can play like Barcelona forgetting this is the epl,the toughset league in the world.Furthermore he expects other teams to play his way.He is deluded . The others play to win while he can on with his endless passing game so often in a cul de sac.
    It’s time for another guy who places emphsasis on winning above endless passing .

  14. why did we even sign Silvestre in the first place? okay lets not get into that….
    our priorities should be this.
    1. Sell Piers Morgan
    2. Renew Theo Walcott’s contract.
    3. Sign a defensive midfielder/Box-to-Box.
    4. pray.

    also complete agree that we should try and avoid the Liverpool syndrome. gotta stop living in the past, look towards the future.

  15. Eugene and Mohd are both Arsenal till they die, or like you say when we win a trophy.
    I think it is clear a lot of the ‘fans’ are glory hunters and if Wenger didn’t start winning back then, they would be UTD fans for sure now. Wengers success brought the inpatient fan to the highbury and they then followed him to a new state of art stadium at the Ems. So poor old Wenger had the gaul to attract these ‘fans’ to the club then decide he doesnt want to win anything and just make money?
    They are so blind!

  16. I never go to the matches , I just watch on tv all the games . But atmosphere on Tv in not good . So maybe this blogger is right about the emirates ?

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